Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
