I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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