Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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