you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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