conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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