I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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