I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
