Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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