take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
