he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
