Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
