Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
