Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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