A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i out mim tonsoeep
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