I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
