i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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