what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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