And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
