im holly from the hills drunk
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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