I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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