He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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