my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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