She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
