I can tuck mytits in my pants
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A+ Viking dick
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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