Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I deserve this hangover.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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