i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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