I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize