just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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