He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
