hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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