id be glad to
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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