Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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