i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
