He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
