This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
