Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
