if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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