Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
accomplished twins. life is a go
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What a dumb baby whore.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
