i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Go christen that room with your naked body.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
