Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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