He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
