He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
