Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
