Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
