Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
