I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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