My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I want to make a zoo with you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
