Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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