yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
