So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's never too late to be topless.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
