i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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