Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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