she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
