a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize