I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I could fuck to npr.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize