Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
a search helicopter?!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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