just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
