We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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