I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
