i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Swine flu is the new snow day.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
