Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
