I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
