Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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