It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Your penis caused this!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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