i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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