Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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