Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize