i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
