just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
