Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
