So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
