Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
