my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
