i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
