Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize