I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
