I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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