The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My ATM looks so different sober.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
